A True 'Hallelujah Anyway'

Imagine that you decide to attend an event of one of your favorite authors, you go alone, you register early, arrive early, find the perfect seat and wait for the show to start. You are joined by a group of ladies, strangers; one strikes up a conversation with you. At this point you are warming up to the idea of chatting, you place your mediation podcast on pause, and you dive into a conversation about faith, the world, and comfort the woman on her daughter's misfortune.

You have found a companion. You feel less like an uninvited dinner guest and more like a welcomed addition to the family.

A woman approaches, she is the friend of your new companion. She has "special access" and therefore has seats in the front but notices your seat is in just as good of a location and next to her friend. She talks to you about the school, brags about her pastoral position at the university, and then ask for your seat. First, she ask politely, not wanting to impose but still feeling familiar with you after the brief chat. You politely decline knowing that you chose the seat for a purpose and you don't have the special access to take hers. She adds pressure. "Will you not allow me to sit with my friend? I will give you my pass?"

You look at your new companion, the woman that made you feel less alone at an event full of people twice your age, all with a different but shared skin tone than yours and resign yourself to the fact that you are outnumbered. Your new friend has her loyalties, so you will get no help there. You politely and quietly get up, thank the woman for her access pass and move to a different seat.

How do you feel? 

In that moment, I felt pressured. Bullied in a sense. Powerless to hold onto what was rightly mine. There is two train of thoughts running through my mind at this time, the idea that there are some people in this world that feel entitled to everything, and I do mean everything. The other thought was one of empathy and understanding. She, like me, was sitting alone.

Where is the truth here? Where should I attach meaning? Does the public conversation on race and privilege play any part in this situation or have I taken on the sentiments of the world and layered it onto this particular experience?

The author of the night was Anne Lamott. Lamott wrote my favorite book on life and writing, titled "Bird by Bird." Last night she was there to talk about her latest book "Hallelujah Anyway." Anne also spoke about grace and mercy.

Maybe the conversation I want to have here is no matter the situation you and I find ourselves in we still have control over how we respond and even how we think and add meaning and context. Just maybe grace can be applied here.

The truth is all of us are messed up and are out for ourselves at times, so the criticism I want to place on this woman for how she made me feel, how she took what was mine, is the same criticism I can put on myself. I hate or feel strongly toward actions I am guilty of doing or better said I strongly point out the things in other people that exist within myself.

There is no bow I can wrap this in. I felt the way I felt. However, somehow, understanding, empathy, and grace found its way into the equation.

power balance

The stories of sexual assault cases in Hollywood continue to come into the light. The women who are brave enough to share their genuine and heartfelt stories have the world behind them.

What now? What about the perpetrators who committed these heinous acts? What will be their punishment for such indiscretions? Will the law hold them accountable for treating their positions of power like wishing wells to have and to take whatever they want? How do we make sure this does not happen again?

The real question should be how do we balance power in industries and communities where the power balance is greatly one-sided? Who stands to gain and who stands to lose? In a capitalistic society is this achievable?

History does not typically root for the underdog. It has been those wielding the bigger stick that has ruled, wrecked, and mastered the world.

What am I, are you, willing to give up, if anything, to rebalance power and give those voiceless a voice?

Not me, the online me

Then the world’s economy collapsed. People were so desperate, they turned to their own social networks for cash. Some of us didn’t even want cash: attention was good enough. - Daniel Kolitz

Daniel Kolitz piece for Hazlitt, titled What I Learned at Personal Branding School, blew me away. A comedic review of his personal experience on taking an online Coursera course.

I've been trying to figure out for the past couple of years what the heck is happening in our society, besides the obvious -- man's need for God. Kolitz's article sent me in the right direction for answers.

Back in 2013, I wrote a journal entry titled "Overexposed," with the simple premise that we were overexposing ourselves for the sake of "experience" and "living," only to regret that exposure because it opened us up to be criticized and encouraged partaking in activities that we wish we had not. I argued that we also had the possibility of losing ourselves in the process. Today, the competition happening online for attention, influencer credits, and money is fierce. What I believe we all now know, if you can build a "platform" on some idea or something you believe to be true or universal about yourself then you can sell anything, and I do mean anything. This has created in the words of Kolitz, "bad jokes about the Oscars, or posted pictures of our asses on Instagram."

Many other more sinister things are happening online as well, like how "churchporations" market religion, how our celebrities feed us causes that donate less than 20% to the actual problem they say they are fighting against, and how our very "democracy" was blown to pieces this last election cycle by "fake news" and other outside threats. We asked for this connectivity. Will it be to our detriment? Besides, what else hoards attention besides our debased and perverse nature?

I know, cat videos!

Observed: The Businessman

photo credit: Ryan Plomp

The average businessman in my neighborhood is white, he has 2.5 kids, enjoys time alone and spends an ungodly amount of time on his phone while out with the children. His uniform is typically a baby blue or white button up, tie, no tie clip, so the thing waves in the air like an American flag in a schoolyard. 

He is on his second piece of pizza. I guess his wife is not cooking tonight. He flips one side over to meet the other, eating the thing like a hotdog instead of enjoying it the proper way, from tip to crust. The man in my sight is a 'suit,' brown shoes, white button up, black slacks. He spends his days in an office near a window. By the way, he enjoys the calm fall day, I figure his wife is out of town, and he is in no hurry to get home. Home means four walls, television, and a place to rest his body. Who could he be texting? Could he be like most men I observe in this sterile, characterless area of town, maybe satisfying his secret passions for women with dogs and selfie sticks on social media? That would be typical, let's give him a better story. He is looking up God questions on gotquestions.org curious how this whole thing, the world, is going to end. He doesn't believe in the ethereal but enjoys the thought of heaven, eternal peace, and a chance to meet the man that created this all. 

The man in the white button up finishes his pizza, recycles the trash, and heads on his way. I guess now its time to go home, the destination for all of us sooner or later. 

The Beginning

The truth is I don't know how to get "serious" about writing. It usually just happens, or it doesn't. But man is there so much to write about. I once heard a famous writer say that if you don't know what to write, write about what makes you mad. Okay, so what makes me angry, like really boils my blood? Rap music that talks about shooting people and putting down women, when Donald Trump speaks, like at all, GMO's in food, and lying. I am sure there are a few more, but that is all I have for now.

This blog will be for my thoughts about the world. Less of my dislikes and more of my hopes in moving the world forward.  In the past, my favorite topics to discuss have been motivation, culture, books, people. I write it all on my main site in a jovial way. But life, at times, has more downs than ups and I want to discuss those too.

People fascinate me, you, whoever you are, reading this fascinates me. Why? Because you exist with your thoughts and way of moving about this life. You fascinate me because you have your own belief system and ideas of happiness. You fascinate me because you are not me. You and I have probably come from different backgrounds, ideology, and upbringing. I like Mavericks basketball; you perhaps like a different team. I love caramel, even though my teeth prefer I stay away from sweets. You probably love Twizzlers. I don't understand their taste. Look, we are different, but even with our differences, we are the same. Human. Red-blooded. I bet sometimes you are sad, frustrated, nervous. I bet sometimes you cannot explain your sadness or why you feel alone in a group of people. Like me, you probably wonder why there is so much chaos in the world. Why the races of the world are still at each others neck and why we, here in America, have not moved on from our racist past, and yes, I said the word racist. I don't want to sugar coat my words here. For so long it took me awhile to call myself a writer and then it took me many years to tell the truth, to say what I wanted to say. It has been a long journey to this point, and I don't plan on peddling backward. If I offend you, it's not my intention. However, the only words worth writing is the truth, how I see it, from my shoes and my perspective, not yours. That is what makes writing worth it for me anyways.

What I hope to give you is my faithfulness. I want to be faithful to the exploration process of articulating the world as I see it in kindness, truth, and humility. I want to be loyal through consistency. I don't have a posting schedule today, but I will come here often to merely speak and be spoken to with respect, remembering our shared humanity.

I want to explore everything, and with the Freedom app, a good cup of coffee and courage I will.

See you soon.

Update: The blog's title, Between the World and Me was made popular by my writer hero, Ta-Nehisi Coates but originated from the pages of Fire Next Time by the great James Baldwin. I use the phrase with respect for both writers. We all share this deep relationship between the world and ourselves.