Reflection

I've found that a peaceful way to end the day is by taking a walk. Today, I took a long stroll around the city, enjoying some of the new construction in the area. The air was light, the temperature eighty-four degrees, there was a light breeze.

If I did not leave my desk when I did the gas that builds up in my stomach, and the pressure in my legs would have become much worse; this happens because when I work at my computer, I don't take many breaths. It's like I have to focus so intently that to take a breath or look away would lead to a loss of focus and thirty minutes of mental wandering. The ideas that come to me during this time of loss focus I write down if I am to remember them and list them in my idea book for later. I keep the yellow notepad open on my computer for this sort of distraction, but I must keep my mind on my work if I am to finish. Fifteen minutes after the thought, I need to take a walk.

Walking also helps me reflect. It is the only time that I can be entirely phone free without guilt because walking and texting is not an option. Usually, when I try these two things together, I end up walking in front of a car or lost, neither is helpful to relaxation and reflection.

What did I reflect on today? My subtle social media addiction stirs thoughts of the future. Will I have a manicured lawn one day? Will I own a fancy stroller for my future child? Take a splash in the waters of the Tyrrhenian Sea? These are just questions. The questions stir ambitious emotions and thoughts of a life away from the city. However, I love the city; it was New York that was once a city I called home and thought of living forever.

Once I've traveled the world in my head I bring my thoughts back to the present, back to center, back to gratefulness. I remember the life I have today is the life I envisioned yesterday, and if I truly want something different than I better get moving in that direction.

Thoughts on writing my new book and honesty

I thought I knew how to write honestly but after reading the intro's to Shonda Rhimes, "A Year of Yes" and Jen Sincero "You Are a Badass," I think I still have ways to go. Their writing sounds honest. It sounds like they would sound if I met them in a bar or a night club. Shonda discusses her enmity to the truth, hold up, there I go, "enmity," who even says that word. This is what I mean. I get caught up, almost instinctively, trying to sound all MFA like. You would think being rejected from three New York MFA programs would have told me that I will be a gritty, unMFA'ed writer, not all poised and proper. If I can follow in the footsteps of Ta-Nehisi Coates, who did not finish college but writes like a mad genius than I will be in good company.

I guess that is why I started this blog all J.K. Rowling style. Using my first and middle initial represents freedom to me. It frees me from my past success, my previous work, and allows me to write. Before you get to googling me trying to figure out who I am, remember -- all will be revealed in time. Besides, when I say past success, no, I have not won on Pulitzer or a Noble Peace Prize, I just mean in my previous life I wasn't a writer and I had some success doing what I did. Success can be crippling in a way so adjusting my name is more for me than you.

But back to honesty, the writers I mentioned earlier are writing in what my writing teacher would call "their authentic voice" it sounds like they speak. On the page, I seem to come off sounding older, like I've lived a whole bunch of other lives. It frustrates me to no end because I have not always been sure of the balance. The balance it takes, to tell the truth in "my voice," and win a National Book Award. I've read readers who've won the prize but still feel it's outside my depth, so I will continue to try here, with you, you and I finding our voice together.

Observed: The Businessman

photo credit: Ryan Plomp

The average businessman in my neighborhood is white, he has 2.5 kids, enjoys time alone and spends an ungodly amount of time on his phone while out with the children. His uniform is typically a baby blue or white button up, tie, no tie clip, so the thing waves in the air like an American flag in a schoolyard. 

He is on his second piece of pizza. I guess his wife is not cooking tonight. He flips one side over to meet the other, eating the thing like a hotdog instead of enjoying it the proper way, from tip to crust. The man in my sight is a 'suit,' brown shoes, white button up, black slacks. He spends his days in an office near a window. By the way, he enjoys the calm fall day, I figure his wife is out of town, and he is in no hurry to get home. Home means four walls, television, and a place to rest his body. Who could he be texting? Could he be like most men I observe in this sterile, characterless area of town, maybe satisfying his secret passions for women with dogs and selfie sticks on social media? That would be typical, let's give him a better story. He is looking up God questions on gotquestions.org curious how this whole thing, the world, is going to end. He doesn't believe in the ethereal but enjoys the thought of heaven, eternal peace, and a chance to meet the man that created this all. 

The man in the white button up finishes his pizza, recycles the trash, and heads on his way. I guess now its time to go home, the destination for all of us sooner or later. 

The Dangers of Living Brave

I never thought about the dangers of bravery until I heard Kyle Steed, artist, muralist, and Dallas resident, give a presentation about the resistance his artwork has received. When telling people to live brave, I ask them to leave where they are, to change, and you and I know that change can be hard. It requires work, perseverance, humility,  and self-discipline. It also challenges current notions of identity, ways of thinking and firmly held beliefs. That is what Kyle's artwork encountered, painted on a public space in Fort Worth.

Should the artist, in my case, the writer, or the singer not ask? Not ask you and I, the receiver, to change, to be more, to leave established comfort zones? Of course not. Why? Asking introduces new ways of thinking, and it produces ideas and innovation. It also makes us a more inclusive society. I'm sure Jonathan Haidt is shaking his head because, yes, sometimes "diversity can be divisive," but we should still try to move closer to communal oneness (click here to listen to Jonathan's interview with Krista Tippett on On Being).

Asking my readers and those who show up to my book tour to be brave is asking them to be who they know they can be. At least that was the case in the story I heard from an older gentleman today named Lonzo. I'm sure Alonzo had no idea what he was getting into when he sat at the small circular table positioned directly behind my book signing set up. But what he received was two millennials, my husband and I, who love to engage strangers and encourage those who have turned their backs on their dreams for whatever reasons. Lonzo wants to be a singer. He has had the dream since he was young, and now as an old man, he sings in his Baptist Church's choir. But Lonzo wants more. He wants to create a life and provide for his wife with his vision. Lonzo merely is too "afraid" to go for it. After an hour of corralling, encouraging, and strategizing with Alonzo about the potential technology, especially Youtube held for him, he smiled and thanked us for the uplifting conversation. Who knows, we may have given Lonzo exactly when he needed.

The dangers of living brave are this, today you occupy a space in the world but you, like Alonzo, want more. More cannot be found in your comfort zone; it cannot be found in the habits of your today, it cannot be achieved through good intentions, it takes action. It takes an artist like Kyle, writers, poets, filmmakers, and teachers to challenge, ask, and reveal the flaws and potential. But you must be willing to look at that which disturbs, that which calls out, that which stirs you.
Engage that which disturbs.

Two dates remaining on the #FindYourBraveBK book tour. Click here for more information. 

Lessons from Timothy Snyder's "On Tyranny" (Chapters 1 & 2)

In politics, being deceived is no excuse. - Leszek Kolakowski

I decide to start "On Tyranny" by Timothy Snyder because I wanted to know what was possible if all of us stay quiet during this time of political uncertainty. I not only received a lesson in civic responsibility but a deep look at the history of nations and what happens when the citizens of that nation "stay home" or tell themselves "I don't want to get involved." Snyder blew me away. He understands that the needs of the future are the needs of today. There is no "they will take care of it" because "I" am breathing, talking, human being on this planet and "I" must protect the future.

Lesson 1: DO NOT OBEY IN ADVANCE
"Most of the power of authoritarianism is freely given. In times like these, individuals think ahead about what a more repressive government will want, and then offer themselves without being asked. A citizen who adapts in this way is teaching power what it can do."

Snyder goes on to state later in this chapter, "At the very beginning, anticipatory obedience means adapting instinctively, without reflecting, to a new situation."

Where in the last eight months have I simple went silent or turned away to the growing noise about the state of our politics? What did that look like? Why?

For starters, and truthfully, I got into the habit of looking out for policies and actions that only affected me personally, because the noise had grown so loud I did not know where to look. The mess of the media and the marching of the press stalled and ever deterred me from engaging. Now, remembering to breath first thing in the morning, I can see what that silence will cost my community and the country. I am fully awake. I was not "adapting instinctively" but rather trying to keep my sanity.

Today's version of democracy, I don't believe can sustain itself if you and I don't take active participation to see to its survival. We cannot afford to "think ahead to what a more repressive government will want" and give it to them but instead think about what we want the world, our communities, and our families to look like and produce, champion, and get behind that.

Lesson 2: DEFEND INSTITUTIONS
"It is instructions that help us to preserve decency. They need our help as well. Do not speak of "our institutions" unless you make them yours by acting on their behalf. Institutions do not protect themselves. They fall one after the other unless each is defended from the beginning. So choose an institution you care about - a court, a newspaper, law, a labor union -- and take its side."

History has a lot to teach us about the need for humility and wisdom. Snyder uses telling examples from Hitler's reign in Germany to convince us that we should not take in vain who we have placed in power and what their position is there. If our candidates made promises on the campaign trail, those promises could be an insight into what is to come. We should not vote against our best interest under the assumption that action of loyalty will garner loyalty. It does not work like that. In the case of German Jews, voting for Hilter's leaders who they thought would keep them safe, well, we know how the story goes. There is no loyalty when power has run amuck. You and I must be loyal to humanity in the preservation and protection of it. 

What institutions do you care about, is it religious, education, marriage? Fight for it.


The book referenced is "On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century" by Timothy Snyder.

  

Emille

I met a young girl named Emilie today. She went by Ems for short. She attended my book signing with her mom. As I spoke with another interested customer about my book, The Beginner's Guide to Finding Your Brave, Emillie sort of hovered around. Usually, when people do that at one of these events, they are trying to decide if I am worth the $10 in their pocket. If I can get them to chat for one minute, then they are mine, and I have earned their audience and money.

Ems went away and came back with her mother. I explained to her that my book was about bravery in every sense of the word. "We need to choose bravery every day" and "the question of bravery is about the choice of progression or stagnation" are my favorite lines. A few words landed right with Emilie, and she recommended the book to her mom. She mentioned that she had no problem speaking her mind, it was "courageous" action she had trouble with. Her mom interjected, "yeah, like deciding not to go to homecoming." Their relationship reminded me a lot of girls in my high school that could talk back to their parents; my sisters and I did not have that luxury.

During the conversation, the young girl whispered to her mom that she did not want her to mention the depression. I could tell that she wanted me to hear because she said it in a way that I could understand precisely what she said. She said it in one of those talk-whispers. Standing behind the small round table, I thought to hand her a dum dum from my candy bowl, but the thought registered as foolish, so I just stood there unsure if she wanted to converse about her depression or not. If she brings it up again, I thought to myself then the topic is open for a deep dive.

Emilie's sister and her boyfriend walked in and asked what was going on. I smiled and encouraged Emillie to write her story. Share what was bothering her and what she had done in the past to move past depressive moods and thoughts.

I ask two questions when people stop at my table, are you a reader and a writer or both. No matter when the answer is I suggest writing as a form of therapy. I recommend the practice because most of us don't know what to say to each other. We care too much about our words and less about our mental health. We need to do more talking, and maybe we will found ourselves.

I did not say this, I signed her book and hugged her. More hugging may also save humanity as well.

The Beginning

The truth is I don't know how to get "serious" about writing. It usually just happens, or it doesn't. But man is there so much to write about. I once heard a famous writer say that if you don't know what to write, write about what makes you mad. Okay, so what makes me angry, like really boils my blood? Rap music that talks about shooting people and putting down women, when Donald Trump speaks, like at all, GMO's in food, and lying. I am sure there are a few more, but that is all I have for now.

This blog will be for my thoughts about the world. Less of my dislikes and more of my hopes in moving the world forward.  In the past, my favorite topics to discuss have been motivation, culture, books, people. I write it all on my main site in a jovial way. But life, at times, has more downs than ups and I want to discuss those too.

People fascinate me, you, whoever you are, reading this fascinates me. Why? Because you exist with your thoughts and way of moving about this life. You fascinate me because you have your own belief system and ideas of happiness. You fascinate me because you are not me. You and I have probably come from different backgrounds, ideology, and upbringing. I like Mavericks basketball; you perhaps like a different team. I love caramel, even though my teeth prefer I stay away from sweets. You probably love Twizzlers. I don't understand their taste. Look, we are different, but even with our differences, we are the same. Human. Red-blooded. I bet sometimes you are sad, frustrated, nervous. I bet sometimes you cannot explain your sadness or why you feel alone in a group of people. Like me, you probably wonder why there is so much chaos in the world. Why the races of the world are still at each others neck and why we, here in America, have not moved on from our racist past, and yes, I said the word racist. I don't want to sugar coat my words here. For so long it took me awhile to call myself a writer and then it took me many years to tell the truth, to say what I wanted to say. It has been a long journey to this point, and I don't plan on peddling backward. If I offend you, it's not my intention. However, the only words worth writing is the truth, how I see it, from my shoes and my perspective, not yours. That is what makes writing worth it for me anyways.

What I hope to give you is my faithfulness. I want to be faithful to the exploration process of articulating the world as I see it in kindness, truth, and humility. I want to be loyal through consistency. I don't have a posting schedule today, but I will come here often to merely speak and be spoken to with respect, remembering our shared humanity.

I want to explore everything, and with the Freedom app, a good cup of coffee and courage I will.

See you soon.

Update: The blog's title, Between the World and Me was made popular by my writer hero, Ta-Nehisi Coates but originated from the pages of Fire Next Time by the great James Baldwin. I use the phrase with respect for both writers. We all share this deep relationship between the world and ourselves.